Conflict

Self-Reflection

 

There is never a conflict with person or condition, but rather a false concept mentally entertained about person, thing, circumstance, or condition.  Therefore, make the correction within yourself, rather than attempting to change anyone or anything in the without.”

Joel S. Goldsmith, Infinite Way, Wisdoms

Western thinking embraces the notion that being “right,” is winning.  He/She who is right wins.  He/She who is wrong loses.  We all want to win…sometimes at great cost.

In my psychology career, I would ask couples “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married!?”  Most would say “both!”  And furthermore, if their partner would just acknowledge their rightness, there would be no conflict.

Joel Goldsmith’s teaches emphasize the view that our lives are simply out-picturings of our own consciousness and the conflicts we envision are unresolved snags within us.  What I believe strongly is that the first stop when discord appears is within one’s own inner contemplative place.  To dive into the outer projection and try to fix it is like running up to the screen in the moving theater and trying to change parts of the movie you don’t like!

If conflict appears, go within.  Only speak from a place of peace where you have prepared a welcoming place of learning.  Conflict is an “activating event.”  It requires space to create full presence.  If we entertain that everything that appears, even conflict, is an opportunity to self-reflect and allow the lessons of the moment to appear, maybe we would address what appears as conflict with gratitude and ease rather than annoyance and impatience.

By now you may be thinking of situations in which this approach would never work!  Places where you were absolutely right… What did you learn from taking the position of being the one who is right?  I would venture to say, probably not too much if the issue wasn’t evaluated as a learning opportunity first.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian

 

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T.M.I.

 T.M.I.

I hope my posts don’t feel like T.M.I…. I hope they’re J.E.I.  (Just Enough Information.)

In the past, I’ve sarcastically stated that everybody part should have a -book, not just the Face.  There are certain body parts that might actually have -books heretofore unnamed. People evidently spend a lot of time online looking at the other body parts, although they might not be formally named -books.

Email wasn’t fast enough for us, so we now have texting.  Texting on my tiny iPhone gives me a headache.  I have very small fingers, but still not small enough to avoid over-reaching and creating bizarre errors.  The auto-correct can also create some embarrassing communications.  I find the “m” particularly troubling, do you?  Instead of hitting “m” I hit the backspace resulting in erasing the “m” and having to rework the message.  “Oy vey,” as our Jewish friends say. 

If you forget to turn off your iPhone in a theater or in a class, you suddenly become e-popular,  the focus of every person who needs to e-communicate.  My iPhone finds itself the most obscure places to hide when I’m trying to find it to turn it off.  I think it’s laughing at me.

I can understand why people have personal assistants.  Those are people that can turn T.M.I. into J.E.I.  I am finding this process another job on top of those I already have.  Yet when there is nothing in my In Box, it feels like a tangible sign of my irrelevancy.  T.M.I., annoyance.  N.I., irrelevancy.   I hope I can hit the golden mean. 

With love and hopes that this is J.E.I.,   Rosanne Bostonian

Citronella Oil

Citronella Oil

Citronella oil is steam distilled from the leafy parts of the citronella plant, also known as Cymbopogon nardus. Thanks to its fresh, welcoming scent and bug repelling properties like those found in our Insect Repellent, Citronella essential oil is a common element in perfumes and cosmetic products and is well known for its use in outdoor candles, sprays, lotions, and other camping and outdoor essentials. Just a bit of Citronella oil in your diffuser, moisturizer, or DIY patio accents can make you feel transported to a simpler time.

Citronella is a natural air freshener, perfect for battling outdoor odors. Mix up a DIY outdoor spray to revive your patio furniture, hammock, or sleeping bag, or invite a pleasant aroma with our Citronella DIY floating candle. It’s the perfect way to add a peaceful ambiance and pleasant aroma to summer soirees!

DIY Outdoor Summer Spray

Combine all ingredients in an empty spray bottle and shake vigorously before spritzing on your balcony, deck, or porch.

More here.

“My 600 Pound Life”

 

"my 600 pound life" Rosanne Bostonian

We humans are captivated by extremes.  I was listening to the account of an accident in Delaware that claimed the lives of five of six members of a Teaneck family, the Trinidads.  The mother wasn’t killed, but has in store the horror of dealing with the deaths of her husband and four daughters.  This was on the news because it’s an extreme, and aside from eliciting tremendous compassion, it captivates attention.  It seems that media exploit these extremes for profit motive at times.  Everyone slows down at the scene of an accident to grab a peek and maybe feel lucky that it isn’t them.

The reality shows on TV exploit a similar motive.  “My 600 Pound Life” is a show that features individuals whose primary coping strategy is food consumption.  Lacking adequate coping strategies, these folks are generally bed-ridden and in an extreme state of ill health, yet continue to helplessly eat and eat some more.

It’s easy to judge destructive behavior, but when you look deeper, these are generally individuals who have been abused and traumatized without methods of processing emotional issues.  Burying hurt beneath primitive methods of eliciting comfort will lead to the hurt manifesting in destructive ways.

Although we aren’t all 600 pounds, most of us have habits that impede growth.  We derive comfort from familiar patterns and are resistant to trying something different.  Fortunately, most of us aren’t in dire health situations (yet), but addicts of all types will eventually need to self-examine and move past self-destructive behavior.

Rather than fueling “I’m glad that’s not me,” individuals facing terrible situations can motivate us to discern alternatives to mindless self-indulgence.  Terrible accidents can remind us that we are wielding thousands of pounds of steel at our command.  Extreme addiction can highlight our tendency to bury pain.  There is no place for arrogance and distancing from such situations because they are reflective of themes that can touch all of us in different ways.

Being human poses us with daily challenges. Whether or not these challenges are handled successfully, each of us is worthy of compassion.  Compassion starts with self-awareness and humility.

With love,

Rosanne

Seeing Isn’t Believing

Eyes of Maitreya Buddha - third eye

 

People are divided into two groups:  those who must see it to believe it, and those who believe it before they see it and create it.  (Reread that!)

All the amazing inventions in history came from the “great invisible” through someone’s belief in an invisible idea.  Since we’re all not inventors on the grand scale, we can still live creatively by taking that principle and holding it as motivation.

This could be the vision of relationships, of a professional life, of daily life as a canvas upon which to paint a novel and mindful creation.

What interferes with this?  The “obvious” intrudes upon creativity.  There are material limitations that come through our senses and impair our ability to be creative.  Negative thinking, poor self-esteem, discouraging people, and setbacks are all culprits that get in the way of living with an open heart.  Living creatively means overcoming those obstacles with faith.

If those previously discouraging elements can be cues to look further within and overcome fear with grace and faith. Instead of waiting to see proof with our senses, curiosity and inner activity will provide our motivation.

The act of creativity isn’t reserved for artists, musicians and inventors.  The “third eye,” situated in the middle of the forehead in middle eastern faiths, represents wisdom beyond the senses.  We could also describe that as not needing to see it to believe it.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian

Teaching from the Heart

the classroom experience

The art of teaching is more than being a purveyor of information.  Maybe the trend toward distance learning, although useful for some, overlooks the organic nature of human interaction as a valuable means of heart-driven education.

In today’s classroom, engaging students is challenging.  The immediacy of information transfer since the technology boom tends to make us impatient.  There are no card catalogs to rifle through.  There is no hunting the shelves of the library.  Now we can ring up any tidbit with a few strikes of a key.

What we can’t ring up is a relationship.  People try by texting, peppering in emojis, but real eye contact, real laughter, idea exchanges in real time, are all the qualities that make for a multisensory experience.  What we also can’t create online is the spontaneity of a great idea in the moment that gives a classroom experience life and depth.

We want to move faster and faster.  We want to jam information into smaller and smaller spaces.  It takes time to absorb, integrate and own material.  I’ve asked my students to estimate how long it takes to do a quality job in all of their areas daily.  The estimates run from 24 to 36 hours.  This doesn’t count for sleep and we know the health risks of sleep deprivation.  The 36 hour crew had better franchise themselves quickly!

Is faster always better?  Getting to know someone’s heart takes time.  Once the heart connection is made, the learning becomes easier.  I know the teaching becomes easier too.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian