Conflict

Self-Reflection

 

There is never a conflict with person or condition, but rather a false concept mentally entertained about person, thing, circumstance, or condition.  Therefore, make the correction within yourself, rather than attempting to change anyone or anything in the without.”

Joel S. Goldsmith, Infinite Way, Wisdoms

Western thinking embraces the notion that being “right,” is winning.  He/She who is right wins.  He/She who is wrong loses.  We all want to win…sometimes at great cost.

In my psychology career, I would ask couples “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married!?”  Most would say “both!”  And furthermore, if their partner would just acknowledge their rightness, there would be no conflict.

Joel Goldsmith’s teaches emphasize the view that our lives are simply out-picturings of our own consciousness and the conflicts we envision are unresolved snags within us.  What I believe strongly is that the first stop when discord appears is within one’s own inner contemplative place.  To dive into the outer projection and try to fix it is like running up to the screen in the moving theater and trying to change parts of the movie you don’t like!

If conflict appears, go within.  Only speak from a place of peace where you have prepared a welcoming place of learning.  Conflict is an “activating event.”  It requires space to create full presence.  If we entertain that everything that appears, even conflict, is an opportunity to self-reflect and allow the lessons of the moment to appear, maybe we would address what appears as conflict with gratitude and ease rather than annoyance and impatience.

By now you may be thinking of situations in which this approach would never work!  Places where you were absolutely right… What did you learn from taking the position of being the one who is right?  I would venture to say, probably not too much if the issue wasn’t evaluated as a learning opportunity first.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian

 

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T.M.I.

 T.M.I.

I hope my posts don’t feel like T.M.I…. I hope they’re J.E.I.  (Just Enough Information.)

In the past, I’ve sarcastically stated that everybody part should have a -book, not just the Face.  There are certain body parts that might actually have -books heretofore unnamed. People evidently spend a lot of time online looking at the other body parts, although they might not be formally named -books.

Email wasn’t fast enough for us, so we now have texting.  Texting on my tiny iPhone gives me a headache.  I have very small fingers, but still not small enough to avoid over-reaching and creating bizarre errors.  The auto-correct can also create some embarrassing communications.  I find the “m” particularly troubling, do you?  Instead of hitting “m” I hit the backspace resulting in erasing the “m” and having to rework the message.  “Oy vey,” as our Jewish friends say. 

If you forget to turn off your iPhone in a theater or in a class, you suddenly become e-popular,  the focus of every person who needs to e-communicate.  My iPhone finds itself the most obscure places to hide when I’m trying to find it to turn it off.  I think it’s laughing at me.

I can understand why people have personal assistants.  Those are people that can turn T.M.I. into J.E.I.  I am finding this process another job on top of those I already have.  Yet when there is nothing in my In Box, it feels like a tangible sign of my irrelevancy.  T.M.I., annoyance.  N.I., irrelevancy.   I hope I can hit the golden mean. 

With love and hopes that this is J.E.I.,   Rosanne Bostonian

Seeing Isn’t Believing

Eyes of Maitreya Buddha - third eye

 

People are divided into two groups:  those who must see it to believe it, and those who believe it before they see it and create it.  (Reread that!)

All the amazing inventions in history came from the “great invisible” through someone’s belief in an invisible idea.  Since we’re all not inventors on the grand scale, we can still live creatively by taking that principle and holding it as motivation.

This could be the vision of relationships, of a professional life, of daily life as a canvas upon which to paint a novel and mindful creation.

What interferes with this?  The “obvious” intrudes upon creativity.  There are material limitations that come through our senses and impair our ability to be creative.  Negative thinking, poor self-esteem, discouraging people, and setbacks are all culprits that get in the way of living with an open heart.  Living creatively means overcoming those obstacles with faith.

If those previously discouraging elements can be cues to look further within and overcome fear with grace and faith. Instead of waiting to see proof with our senses, curiosity and inner activity will provide our motivation.

The act of creativity isn’t reserved for artists, musicians and inventors.  The “third eye,” situated in the middle of the forehead in middle eastern faiths, represents wisdom beyond the senses.  We could also describe that as not needing to see it to believe it.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian

Desire and the Chase

Relaxing on the porchDoesn’t it seem that the more we chase the things we want in Life, the more elusive they seem to be?

In Buddhist lore, desire and greed are interchangeable concepts, both being seen as “poisons.” The notion of chasing something we desire is the equivalent of ingratitude for what “is,” and can hook us into an insatiable quest for more, more and (yes) more.

Our culture worships those who make it big financially and materially.  As we see with various famous and powerful people in our country, those who have accumulated material abundance believe themselves to also possess virtue and wisdom.  This is often far from reality.  The endless chase for more makes us vulnerable to the addictions created by desire and greed.

I guess “sufficiency,” or having enough, doesn’t fuel capitalism.  But insufficiency and a sense of inadequacy, definitely create stress, anxiety, depression and a host of other maladies that allow the pharmaceutical industry to thrive.

The one impoverishment that may help us all is less and less desire and slowing down the chase!

With love, Rosanne Bostonian

Let Your Heart Break

Broken HeartWhat a curious title, considering that we humans use so much energy trying to avoid heartbreak and its miseries.   Why should accepting heartbreak be a goal?

When the heart breaks it’s a sign that we were open, we tried, we were fully present.  When the heart breaks we rolled the dice and bet on Love.  And when the heart breaks the Jury of Angels celebrates our faith, even though the desired outcome wasn’t reached.

There’s a saying, “The heart breaks to open wider.”  I’ll try to explain:

We have a choice to bet on Love or live from fear.  To choose love, especially after heartbreak, it celebrates the courage to remain open, regardless of our pain.  To love again we’ve affirmed Love as our source of energy, and we’ve conquered fear.

How did I do?

If we think that we can avoid pain and still remain open enough to love, we’re sadly mistaken.  Openness includes ALL emotions.  There’s no filter that only lets the happy moments in and keeps the sad ones out.  All addiction is based on the distortion that we can pick and choose what we experience, only letting pleasantries in.

I’m interested in what you think about this.  I’m listening!

With THAT love, Rosanne Bostonian

“Despair = Suffering – Meaning”

Man's Search for Meaning

In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl documented his concentration camp incarceration during World War I.  As a psychiatrist, he gave meaning to his terrible experience by observing his fellow inmates closely.

What he discovered was those who made the conscious choice to give their lives meaning, survived at higher rates despite horrific conditions.  Those for whom each day had no meaning slipped into despair and gave up.

In the typical life, those with vibrant and energetic pursuits thrive while those who become passive observers don’t do as well.  We can see an illustration of this principle in retirees who envision a carefree life, but they find the lack of meaning taking its toll on their motivation and overall health.

The recent Parkland tragedy is another illustration.  Students and parents in that community have given the otherwise meaningless slaughter a purpose by taking on a variety of causes.  They made a choice.

The losses and tribulations of human life can either cause despair, or we can choose the antidote, “meaning.”  If we choose to invest our lives with purpose, we can thrive in painful circumstances.

Viktor Frankl stated that the last thing we relinquish is our freedom to choose a life with meaning.  It’s the one element no one can take regardless of circumstances.

I’m going to sit down and think of what gives my life meaning.  Sharing a few ideas through these blogs is definitely on the list.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian

The Turkey Trot

. Slowly, but gathering momentum, he charged. His “gobbles” intensified and my speed increased as I headed for the refuge of my vehicle. I can’t say I felt turkey breath on my derriere, but he was close enough.

Turkey Trot, turkey scratches on car door

 

I’m one of those people who marvels at living things, so much so that I majored in Biology.  The fact that I saw nothing alive during my entire program was discouraging, but that’s a tale for another day.

I was heading home last week from the Woodland Park Campus of Berkeley College where I’m honored to serve as an adjunct professor.  Driving past Garret Mountain Reservation there was a traffic backup…not usual.  People were honking, but no one was moving.

I looked down the road and there was a great big turkey standing proudly and blocking the thoroughfare.  I joined the honkers, but we were getting nowhere.  Nature lover that I am, I left my vehicle to shoo ol’ Tom Turkey back into the woods where he would go on his way and so would we.

“Shoo” I said, with gestures that were shoo-like.  “Hell” he said, furrowed his turkey brow and fixed his gaze on me.  Slowly, but gathering momentum, he charged.  His “gobbles” intensified and my speed increased as I headed for the refuge of my vehicle.  I can’t say I felt turkey breath on my derriere, but he was close enough.

I barely got into the car but couldn’t close the door because a red head with a hostile face was pecking and gobbling.  I finally got the door closed, but he continued to peck and gobble.  Traumatic!

When I looked at the other drivers expecting to see the horror I was feeling, I saw hysterical laughter instead.  That sort of broke the tension for me.  If the incident goes viral, you know the story.

Tiring of me, the turkey took up with the car behind me and I escaped.  I looked to the right as saw a harem of female turkeys and realized that Mr. Tom was doing his manly duty and protecting his girls.

Humility first in all things.

I will say I had the last laugh… I ordered a turkey wrap for lunch.

With love, Rosanne Bostonian